Cut the Knot: How to Drop Past Grudges and Finally Reclaim Your Peace

I grew up with a tough childhood. For the most part it was fine. But i had moments where i had no control of a situation, people making fun of me, dating problems, being used by people i thought were genuine. Some of those times remin in my brain till this day. For the most part it doesn’t bother me, its only until I sit around not be productive with my time, is where it replays in mind.

It took awhile for me to get over that. My girl cheated on me with a best friend. Family members shitted on my name growing up. Parents siding with people gossiping to them about me. So yeah, i felt betrayal. Once i feel betrayal, i isolate myself from the world.

Well….

I finally learned thats the wrong way to go about it. See, whenever I sit around with nothing to do, these thoughts replay in my mind (well, they used to). Then i finally watched a youtube video of Naval Ravikant, explaining the “Gordian Knot” mentality(dropping the past). Once he explained that, everything makes sense.

I learned to make peace with myself.

I learned that you cant change the past, at the same time dont try to unravel the past.

I learned that holding onto the past is a mistake to yourself because it traps you in an internal hall of mirrors.

When you tell yourself “that person wronged me” or “i want to retaliate”, those are phrases you tell yourself to strengthen your ego. Naval calls that “insatiable beast” that thrives on dissatisfaction. This is considered “busywork”, which prevents one from having a clear mind for the present moment.

So realizing all of this, I started to utilize my time to stay productive and keep my mind occupied. I started taking walks in the morning, 2 hours of gym training 4x a week, i even took on boxing, read 10 pages a day. Doing those things definitely improved my mental health.

Those activities helped me think about positive-productive things.

Naval mentioned “take on bigger problems than yourself”.

So I started a building this substack page.

I wanted to share my experiences with others who are suffering with mental health, but on a deeper level, a bigger hole. My publication page is for you.

By creating this, it helps me not think about ego-driven conflicts.

So I want to leave you with these key points that I took from the interview with Naval and Chris Williamson…

To get over the difficulty of letting go of people who have wronged you, you must understand that your attachment to these past grievances is a form of “optional” internal suffering that serves no productive purpose.

The following strategies from the sources can help you “cut the knot” and reclaim your mental peace:

1. Adopt the “Gordian Knot” Mentality

Naval suggests that you will never be able to fully untangle the complex web of a bad relationship or a past betrayal. Instead of trying to resolve every slight, you must eventually “pull out a sword and just cut it”. This means simply dropping the history because you realize that your life is too short and your attention is too precious to spend it on unraveling past burdens.

2. Recognize the Cost of Rumination

Holding onto anger is described as a “mistake for yourself” because it traps you in an internal “hall of mirrors”. Obsessing over how you were wronged—thinking, “That person wronged me” or “I need to fix that”—only serves to strengthen your ego, which Naval calls an “insatiable beast” that thrives on dissatisfaction. This mental “busywork” prevents you from having a clear mind and being present for the reality in front of you.

3. Shift Your Focus to “Bigger Problems”

One of the most effective ways to forget your own personal grievances is to take on problems larger than yourself. By dedicating your attention to a mission, a creative project, or caring for your family, you naturally “forget” about your ego-driven conflicts. When you are immersed in a task you love, you are no longer “dead to the moment” by living in an imagined reality of past regret.

4. Create a “Mindfulness Gap”

Instead of being “integrated” with your anger, use meditation, journaling, or long walks to observe your thoughts objectively. When a thought about someone who wronged you arises, view it as if it were a statement from a third party. Realize that a “problem” only exists once your mind creates a narrative about it; by observing the narrative without reacting, you can choose not to accept it as a current problem.

5. Prioritize Long-Term Equanimity

When deciding whether to maintain a grudge, apply a simple heuristic: choose the path that leaves you more equanimous (at peace) in the long term. This is usually the path that results in the least amount of “self-talk” and mental noise. Letting go may feel like a short-term sacrifice of your pride, but it is a “win” for your long-term self-esteem and mental energy.

Ultimately, the goal is to reach a state of “holistic selfishness” where you value your own current happiness and freedom so much that you refuse to waste even one more minute being a “hostage” to people from your past.

If this article in any way, please SHARE it. Just by sharing this, you’re helping out someone that can implement these key points and improve their life.